October 28, 2012
-
Coping with grief
(My nephew JM, me, and my grandmother, Lilia)After six days at the hospital, my grandmother (my mom's mother) left the body last Friday, October 26. This is the second day of our grieving. On Tuesday we will bury her next to my grandfather. There is really no reason to prolong the wake since most of my grandma's kids are here, except for my aunt who is in Hong Kong.
Mourning in the Philippines would last for 40 days after the death of a loved one. For nine days after the burial, a novena (group prayer) is held, believed to help the soul of the loved one enter the gates of heaven.
This is the traditional Catholic practice. My mom is a preacher in the protestant church, and my aunt in Hong Kong also attends a protestant church. My uncle, their eldest, however is an active member of the Knights of Columbus, and my other aunt, who took care of my grandma, is a Roman Catholic, but not really a very active one. So, I really am not sure if we are going to follow the said traditions.
In my family, as much as we take grief seriously, with all the private crying, we try to keep a straight face in public, because, I don't know, its not just in our family to show grief, I guess. And besides, we try to celebrate the life of our loved one. Well, it would be different on the day of the burial where one would expect a lot of crying, still, for me personally, I try not to cry, although it could be hard especially if you remember all those good times that you spent together or your unfulfilled hopes for the person who passed on. My grandmother said that she is already content with her life because she has been to places - from Manila to Palawan, to Cotabato to her sister, Lola Fe. She has had plenty of experiences in all her 78 years. This November 30 we were supposed to celebrate her birthday, but fate, apparently, would have it that she move on before that.
My grandmother was born in Bayawan City in the province of Negros Oriental. Her family used to work the land of my grandfather. That's how they met, although, they were somehow related. Cousins, I guess. My grandfather and grandmother used to own several stores in Bayawan City until my uncle asked them to transfer in Cebu City. They then sold all their properties in Bayawan and relocated in Cebu.
When my aunt decided to work in Hong Kong, she left her three kids to the care of my grandmother, who dutifully accepted the responsibility. Since then, my cousins have been her constant companions, until she became sickly and my other aunt decided to take her in.
My grandmother's life is filled with sacrifice, putting her wants and even convenience aside while putting the wants and needs of her children and grandchildren first. Even when she was already having a difficult time with her health, she still has our interest in mind, reminding us constantly of the money she'll be getting from the city government saying that my cousin could use it to help him with his requirements for his application to the middle east.
Her desires were simple and it was so easy for her to be happy. If it makes you happy to see her happy, then she would give you a happy face, this even when she was already having a hard time breathing. My grandmother was the epitome of a mother, even until the end.
How should I grieve the passing of my grandmother? I really don't know. I want to cry for reasons mentioned earlier, but I also don't want to cry because I know that there is really no point in crying except for my selfish reasons. My grandmother is in a better place. Whatever comes after death, we really can't say, but we can only hope that its better than our current world.
To my grandmother, Lilia "Lola Leah" Tasa Jalbuna Torrequemada, thank you for the gift of life, thank you for loving us unconditionally, and thank you for the sacrifice just so we could have a better life. We will forever be grateful. We love you and we will miss you.
How do you express grief?
NEXT | Tribo's Cup | PREVIOUS
Comments (8)
I'm very saddened for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. When I read your blog entry, I was instantly reminded of my dear lola (may she RIP). When she died four years ago, I was heartbroken because I was very close to her. She helped raise me when my parents were at work. I never forgot all the things she did for me from sewing a homemade dress as a little girl to giving me advice on relationships. She was an absolute blessing in my life.
When my parents divorced, my lola (my father's mother) returned to the Philippines. I remember crying my eyes out when I found out she had passed on. I was planning a trip to visit her shortly, but sadly, it was not meant to be. She will always be in my heart.
Now when my dearly beloved mom passed away from cancer earlier this year, I was a complete and utter mess. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't speak about my mom without shedding a tear. She was my best friend and it tore my heart in two knowing I'd never hear her joke with me again or the sweet ways she showed how much she loved me by hugging me. How I deeply miss her.
I was also very angry (with God) for the time being because I thought it was incredibly unfair that my mom died while scum walked on this earth. However, a pastor who presided over my mom's funeral reminded me that God decided it was my mom's time because he wanted the good people with him in heaven. Whatever he said seemed to dissipate this anger I harbored.
It's been nearly eight months since my mom died and I still grieve for her. I visit her once a week at the cemetery with a bouquet of roses in tow. Although I don't cry as often as I used to, I'm comforted knowing that she's not suffering anymore and even though I'm not a particularly religious person, hopefully, we will be reunited someday.
All I have to say is cherish all the wonderful memories you had with your lola. Think of her as a guardian angel watching over you. She will always live in your heart.
@heart_leigh - Thank you so much... your words are truly comforting...
This is a lovely tribute to your grandmother. She sounds like a wonderful person and I can tell you loved her very much.
How do I express grief. I cry openly and often.
I am so sorry for your loss. You speak with such love for her, it is only natural to cry and mourn the loss of her presence in your lives. Shed the tears, and then go on to celebrate all the ways in which she touched your lives. It sounds like a beautiful life lived and shared with those she loved.
I remember when we lost our grandmother, it felt like a part of our childhood went with her. The memories are still there but somehow it felt like they are not ours anymore. I couldn't explain it.
I hope you'll feel better in time, knowing that we will all meet again in heaven~
A beautiful eulogy Ritche! She would be very proud.
My deepest condolences to you in this time of grief for your family. I completely understand how you are feeling as I, too, lost my grandmother this year (back in May). Just know that same happy woman who would always smile just to make others smile is now and always watching over you and your family.
To all those who shared in our grief, the Tasa-Jalbuna-Torrequemada family expresses their deepest gratitude...
@ILiveTodayForTomorrow, @hesacontradiction, @ronsky, @songoftheheart, and @C_L_O_G
Comments are closed.