Reflection

My journey to the heights of Carmel was, is, and will always be a journey of love.

It is driven by love. It is fueled by love.

My love for God triggers an insatiable thirst to experience his presence, to be with him, and to serve him by serving his people unconditionally.

For many years, I looked for him, everywhere and in everything. There was this emptiness in me that I wanted and longed to be filled. I knew then that only God could fill it.

And so I tasted every form of devotion, I tried different forms of spirituality. I wanted a tangible experience of his love, one that would excite my senses. But all that I got were just tastes of it. It was like God teasing me, not fully revealing himself to me.

When I started to experience the embrace, the kiss, the ecstatic pleasure of the physical consumation of human love (i.e. sex), I also desired his divine love to be the same – limited to that which the senses could experience – and my emptiness expanded. My longings grew deeper.

I knew then, and I know now, that God's love will never be like the love we get from embodied beings. His love is beyond our senses. How to accept and own this realization, however, has been a constant struggle.

A young man who wanted to become a priest once asked me if it's alright for him to enter into relationships and experience physical love before deciding if priesthood is really his call. I blatantly answered him, no. Not because premarital sex is against the teachings of the church but more because at the time I felt that I finally understood the adage, "innocence is bliss."

Yes, innocence is truly bliss for an innocent person will never seek as a rabid dog the pleasure of an experience he never had, content with that of his very own experiences. That which gave him pleasure.

It's like narcotics – once tasted, always wanted. Sadly, the satisfaction experienced will never be enough and will never be lasting.

And so, the ladder of love has become an abstract concept for me, devoid of the sensual pleasures that for long I have equated with love.

So, in concept, I know that true love is never sensual but a deep longing to just be with the beloved. The mere presence of the beloved triggers a sense of satisfaction and completeness that is beyond the senses.

That is true love. The love that I am seeking.

In this love, the union becomes complete and I become lost in his presence – where time no longer matters, where the world just fades into the background.

O, the bliss of such an experience.

At this point in my life, taking the ladder to ascend the heights of Carmel can be an arduous task. I have yet to undress myself of all these heavy clothes which I have accumulated and covered myself with as I searched for my perfect love. I have to let go of all these baggage, all the trinkets that somehow gave me fleeting happiness. I have to strip the bandages that's been limiting my movement even if it helped ease the pains.

Yes, I found him. I know where he is, I know how to reach him, but I have to climb naked, in nothingness. I have to let go of all these sensual concepts of love which has been continuously pulling me down.

I need to fly and for that I need to unfurl my wings of prayer and contemplation on the one hand, and altruistic service and reflective spiritual studies (with application) on the other.

Constant remembrance of God through contemplation excites the soul and this will bring me to the first step of the ladder. For now, the first step will be enough. I trust that he will take a thousand more steps for me.

This will be the fuel that will keep me in this journey – the faith that he is there to help me complete the journey.

11 November 2014, 1125
Spring of Carmel Novitiate House
Written as a reflection on St. John of the Cross' "Ladder of Love" during the mid-year novitiate retreat facilitated by Fr. Cyreneao "Toto" Jaranilla, OCarm.

Thoughts

“We live in a world full of injustice and disquiet. It is our duty to contribute to the search for an understanding of the causes of these evils; to be in solidarity with the sufferings of those who are marginalized and to fight for their total liberation, helping them to fulfill their desire for a decent life.”
- Art 111, Chap IX, Carmelite Constitution (1995)

“I am happy that there are wasteful people, at least because of them we are able to let our children taste food from Jollibee,” said Ate Arlene as she happily prepared her freshly bought pagpag (left-over food from the garbage dump), which was to be our lunch that day.

A mother of three, Ate Arlene and her family welcomed me into their home for our 10-day immersion in Payatas, Quezon City, as part of the inter-congregational novitiate program, EXODUS, late October 2014.

Looking at the garbage-laden and muddy surroundings of the community where I was to stay for 10 days, I thought to myself, “Why are we so cruel as to push people to live in such an undignified manner?”

And then I remembered what Fr. Bernard Roosendaal, O.Carm, told us in one of our classes on Carmelite Spirituality where he said that no one becomes rich without causing injustice to another.

And that is why, Fr. Bernard said, Christ taught his early followers the economic system of sharing, of building a community where everyone takes care of each other, especially the widows and orphans.

One form of exploitation or the other will always happen if we wish to pursue a selfish individualistic ambition, like becoming rich. It might be innocent for a child to say that he wants to have plenty of cars and a big house when he grows up, but do we ever tell them that in order to reach his goal he has to take advantage of people, consciously or unconsciously, and of varying degrees, even sending some to the garbage dump or leave them homeless and landless.

This economic system is so alive in anawim communities like Payatas, unfortunately what they have to share is not enough for all of them to rise from such an inhumane condition.

But despite the lack, the stench of rotting garbage, human and animal wastes, and stagnant garbage-filled canals in this fly-infested community, has turned into the sweet fragrance of hopes, dreams, and passion of a people long deprived and forgotten both by the church and an economic system supposedly sworn to serve them.

And the pagpag, that piece of treasure from fly-ridden mounds of rotting garbage, a delicacy with the most delicious taste of a people’s dream for the good life.

“We have been neglected and pushed to fetch for ourselves, to look for a decent source of livelihood because government refuses to see us,” said Ate Arlene, “and now, even that they want to take away from us including our homes.”
“Our work may be dirty, but it’s honest,” she lamented.

This month they face demolition. (Note: Last December 2014, the judge ruled in their favor, still they are waiting for their case to be escalated to the Supreme Court or other cases to be filed against them).

Where do we stand as Christians?

What would be the standpoint and the viewpoint of the man from Nazareth, whom we claim to follow?

These people do not need pity, they do not need charity, nor do they need to be patronized.

What they need is recognition. What they need is inclusion. What they need is the sincerity of the people tasked to give them a decent and humane way of life.

What they need are true Christians – people who live as Christ lived – who are not just willing to take up their own cross but also that of others, just so everyone could truly experience the true kingdom of heaven.

They do not need a beautiful parish or a shrine in an exclusive subdivision where they could not even visit without getting scrutinized and discriminated by arrogant guards. Where is Christ there?

What they need are true Christians.

This experience has strengthened my resolve to continue my journey to the heights of Mt. Carmel. I know that I can make a difference, if not for the whole community, at least for one soul, to inspire him to be a true follower of Christ, by becoming a true Christian myself.

My prayer is for the Father to help me, to keep me grounded, and for him to constantly remind me that this is the reason why I am here – others.

Reflection

A love story of a lover and his beloved. Separated by force, yet their love for each other will always bring them together.

"On a dark night,
Kindled in love with yearnings–oh, happy chance!–
I went forth without being observed,
My house being now at rest."

The beloved calls the lover to Him, to partake of a love so full, so beautiful that the lover could not resist. But then only under the stealth of the dark of night could the lover escape his captors for Him to be reunited with the beloved.

"In darkness and secure,
By the secret ladder, disguised–oh, happy chance!–
In darkness and in concealment,
My house being now at rest."

For most of us, the night can be threatening. In this darkness are our fears - the unknown, the uncertain, the dark secrets that we hope to hide in the dark, the pains, the past unresolved.

But it is also only in the dark that we would be able to see the light that beckons us, as a lighthouse to a ship. It is only in the dark that we are able to see the beauty of the light, as stars that adorn the heavens.

"Oh, night that guided me,
Oh, night more lovely than the dawn,
Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover,
Lover transformed in the Beloved!"

If we wish to experience God, the beloved, we must embrace the dark, face it, trusting that even in the darkest night God's light will shine as bright as a thousand suns.

We just need the courage to embrace the dark.

"I remained, lost in oblivion;
My face I reclined on the Beloved.
All ceased and I abandoned myself,
Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies."

Tribo © 2014
On St. John of the Cross's The Dark Night of the Soul
10 November 2014, 2300
Spring of Carmel Novitiate Community, Philippines

Photo grabbed from Thejustinbowers.com
Poem in quote are from John of the Cross's the Dark Night of the Soul

Thoughts

Silent,
blinded
an uncertain journey, am I bent
to take, ignoring warnings chided

To dive
the deep
abyss of uncertainty. Alive,
unsure I am after this big leap.

The pomp
comforts
of a world I once embraced, I dump
for a new reality. Efforts.

But lo!
The pain
an accusing finger could cause – slow,
deep. All my dreams, hopes, life, stripped, robbed, slain.

My past
is passed.
Why the stern eye on me she cast
when my sins to her I confessed?

My life
divulged.
The goblin, her laughter full of strife
on my pains, fears, with gusto she gorged.

In this darkest hour
I blindly seek your hand
and in your embrace I cower
hiding from the shame I shunned.

In this darkest of night
I only have but you
to turn to, as a bright light
that livens a path so blue.

Murmurs of trust, so calm
silent whispers of love
for a wounded soul, a balm;
for a pained pierced heart, a salve.

In this darkest of night
I only have but you
on you will I never leave sight
my life will I offer to you.

Tribo © 2014

Thoughts

Just what does it mean to be a prophet? As a Carmelite and as a Christian, how can I live the Order's prophetic tradition?

For the Carmelites, the Prophet Elijah plays a major role in its prophetic and contemplative tradition.

In 1 Kings 21, the prophet was confronted with the issue of land-grabbing, when Israel's King Ahab took Naboth's vineyard by murdering him.

For decades now, hundreds, if not thousands, of farmers have been killed for their land. Many of these victims are lumads, or natives, indigenous people who have been taking care of the land for generations. A very famous martyr is Macli'ing Dulag, an Igorot tribal leader who was killed for opposing the building of the Chico Dam by the Marcos regime. The dam would have submerged several communities in the area, and would affect some 100,000 hectares of ancestral land and some 250,000 locals.

Macli'ing said:

"You ask if we own the land. You mock us. Where is your title? Where are the documents to prove that you own the land? Title. Documents. Proof. How can you own that which will outlive you? Only the race own the land because only the race lives forever. To claim a piece of land is a birthright of every man. The lowly animals claim their place; how much more man? Man is born to live. Apu Kabunian, lord of us all, gave us life and placed us in the world to live human lives. And where shall we obtain life? From the land. To work (the land) is an obligation, not merely a right. In tilling the land, you possess it. And so land is a grace that must be nurtured. To enrich it and make it fructify is the eternal exhortation of Apu Kabunian to all his children. Land is sacred. Land is beloved. From its womb springs life."

What's the difference between Naboth and Macli-ing Dulag? Both of them were killed for their land.

What's the difference between Naboth and the countless of Filipinos who's land and very life were stolen from them by rich tyrants and with government leaders pretending not to see and hear, and so would not speak about it?

What's the difference between Macli-ing and Elijah? Both of them were prophets, denouncing the cruelty and the evil deeds of the leaders. Both of them spoke of a God, who looks after His children and both of them tried to be God's surrogate in this world by defending the voiceless and the victims of unjust systems.

Last June 8 to 10, several farmers from Central Luzon and the Southern Tagalog Region converged at the Batasang Pambansa Complex to oppose the plan of the House of Representatives to enliven the failed Comprehensive Agrarian Reform Program through House Bill 429 or the Notice of Coverage Extension Bill. (News story, here). At the same time opposing the proposed Charter Change with Resolution of Both Houses (RBH) No. 1, seeking for the loosening of the restrictions against ownership of certain properties and businesses in the country. RBH No. 1 did not pass, although Speaker of the House Rep. Feliciano Belmonte promised to keep on pushing for the Constitutional Amendments. (News story, here).

If Elijah wasn't there to speak for what was right, would justice be given to Naboth? Would King Ahab realize his wrong deeds and humble himself before God?

If there were no Christians to defend the rights of the marginalized and the oppressed, will justice be given to them? Even with the many modern prophets denouncing the evils of government leaders, nothing seems to happen, how much more if the streets and the holy walls of Congress were silent?

It is said that as Christians we share in Christ's three-fold mission by virtue of baptism - prophet, priest, and king.

But how can we share in His prophetic mission when most of the time we willingly tolerate the evils of society, even criticizing those who speak against the ills of government with such petty and selfish remarks as, "these people have nothing good to say of our government," or worse, "they are the number one cause of traffic in the metro."

One Aeta grandmother asked me, "Why is it that the price of grain in our place is very expensive when they buy our produce at a very low price?"

I could only be silent. Our idolatry with money and comfort can at times blind us of our unjust actions and the suffering that it causes other people. Why could we be so cruel?

Taking from Prophet Elijah, contemplation led him to become a prophet, denouncing the evil ways of the world, fearlessly criticizing the wrong doings of the leaders of Israel, and himself becoming the embodiment of God's word by doing His will as outlined in the sacred scriptures of his people.

Seriously. Do we even consider that we, as Christians, are called to be prophets, to denounce the wrong doings of our leaders and be a source of comfort to the poor, the marginalized, the oppressed?

How can we live with the challenge of becoming prophets of our time? Or do we prefer to live comfortably in apathy and ambivalence, preferring to choose that which are comfortable for us, even if it means giving up on our basic spiritual, moral, and ethical principles as professed followers of Christ? Or do we simply reason out, "Let Ceasar's be Ceasar's and God's, God's?" and marginalize the church when it comes to physical concerns relegating it to spiritual matters?

A friend once asked me regarding activists, "Do these people not care about their own families that they would prefer to spend all their time protesting to the point that they are no longer able to provide the basic needs of their family? What happens if they get killed, their families would suffer even more, as if their families are already not suffering because of their utter lack of sense of responsibility by not meeting their family's needs."

But then, come to think of it, they do care for their family that they are even willing to sacrifice their own lives, their own comfort just so they'd be able to build heaven on earth, for the future generations not just for this generation.

To be honest, these people can choose to live a comfortable life if they wanted to. Its a constant temptation for them. They are intelligent, they have guts, and they have the skills to survive in our capitalistic dog-eat-dog world. But constantly they renew their vows to choose the less comfortable life of serving the people, answering God's call to be modern time prophets.

How about you?

Thoughts

What is my mission?

This was the question thrown to us by Fr. Percy Bacani, MJ to end his three-day module on Mission, Ecology, and Enculturation with Batch 27 of EXODUS.

EXODUS stands for Exchange of Dreams in a Unified Struggle for a Relevant Formation. It is an inter-congregational Catholic novitiate program started in 1987 by six religious congregations – Order of Carmelites (OCarm), Society of the Missionaries of the Sacred Heart (MSC), Agustinian Sisters of Our Lady of the Consolation (OSA), Congregation of the Most Holy Redeemer (CSsR), Franciscan Sisters of the Immaculate Conception (SFIC), and the Dominican Sisters of the Our Lady of Remedies (OP Remedies). The aim was to bring the novices from different congregations close to the realities of life and not away from life, in keeping with the spirit of the Second Vatican Council.

For centuries, mission has been viewed as the conversion of non-Christians, echoing the belief that outside the Christian church there is no salvation.

This belief has for centuries killed billions of innocent people, all in the name of Christ. One could not help but recall when Jesus told his disciples that the time would come "when those who kill you will think that by doing so they are offering worship to God." (John 16:2, NRSVCE).

Even today, this thinking is still evident in many conflicts all around the world. Some of these conflicts have evolved from a purely religious one to that of struggles for self-determination, sovereignty, and recognition. Sadly, most of the time, the instigators of these conflicts are those who profess to be servants of God.

This belief fostered a self-righteous discriminatory culture, proud and exclusive, and at the same time it promoted a culture of self-depredation, self-degradation, unworthiness, and false humility. In other words, otherness. If you are not one of us, you are a mistake and you will not be saved.

Just recently, famous Harry Potter creator and author, J.K. Rowling, had an argument in social media with the Westboro Baptist Church over the latter's anti-gay comment on Rowling's stand on Ireland's same-sex marriage policy. WBC has been tagged as a hate group and is known for its campaign against LGBTQs (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer). Not a good label for a group whose supposed to be bringing Christ's good news of love.

The Second Vatican Council (1962-65), the miracle of the 20th century, slowly and painstakingly began and is still in the process of changing this thought system with the belief that outside of the world there is no salvation, and outside of inclusivity there is no salvation.

Nostra Aetate, the Church's declaration on its relation to non-Christian religions, states, "The Church, therefore, exhorts her sons, that through dialogue and collaboration with the followers of other religions, carried out with prudence and love and in witness to the Christian faith and life, they recognize, preserve, and promote the good things, spiritual and moral, as well as the socio-cultural values found among these men."

In our Biblico-Historical classes with Fr. Bernard Roosendaal, OCarm, he clarified to us the real meaning of salvation for the people of Israel, as told in the Bible, contrasting it with how salvation is now being peddled by religions, us Catholics not exempt.

For the people of Israel, including Jesus, salvation is tangible and real. It means freedom from oppression, from poverty, from injustice and discrimination, and from all forms of unjust systems – economic, political, religious, cultural, environmental, and what have you.

The beliefs of the Israelites were grounded in their history, specifically in the five great events as God's chosen people, namely: Abraham's migration from Ur to Canaan (Genesis 12:1-5); Jacob and his sons' sojourn in Egypt (Genesis 47:12, Exodus 1:1-7); the escape from slavery in Egypt (Exodus 1:8-14, 3:1-10, 12:31-42); the people's religious confederation near Sinai where God promised them, "I am your God and you are my people" (Exodus 20:1-7); and the occupation of the promise land (Joshua 11:15-23).

Salvation was that of the whole human being – body and soul. There was no distinction. Even the prophets proclaim this and so did the apocalyptic writers, though they used the language of symbols.

How about today?

Well, aside from Pope Francis who is now showing and encouraging us to seek salvation for the whole person by promoting just systems, many traditionalists and conservatives would still say, "Let the body suffer for it is sinful." But how could God's creation, which he made in His own image, be evil and sinful?

Somehow, salvation has come to mean solely as liberation of the soul from sin with the goal of going to heaven when one dies. How about the here and now?

Isn't the message of Jesus, the Good News that he proclaimed, that of a kingdom in the here and now, that is if we will it to be here and now?

Isn't Jesus saying that we can achieve salvation now and build heaven if we only follow him and do what he does and believe in what he believes in, that is simply to be a genuine Christian, for us to achieve salvation and make our Earth into a piece of Heaven?

Difficult for the rich who lives comfortably in abundance but in constant fear of loss. Or one whose life is governed by greed, dependent on the exploitation of others.

So, outside of the world there is no salvation, by being in the world, being one with the struggling people, salvation can be experienced. Salvation as a collective and communal experience of justice, peace, contentment and the absence of pain, suffering, oppression, hunger, war, discrimination, and all forms of injustice as promoted by our present profit-oriented, greed-fueled economic system.

Salvation means unity, acceptance, inclusion. The willingness to recognize the worth of every individual regardless of belief, ideology, color, creed, orientation, or whatever limiting factor that our present society has defined in order to create division.

As Apostle Paul told the church of Corinth, each member of the church is essential for when united they form one body (1 Cor 12:12-31). No part can be the same – one part may play a minor role another a seemingly major role; one may be at the fore, the other hidden – but each is essential and without the other or with the defiance of the other the body could not function well.

Honestly, for me, there is no minor role for even the appendix, which was thought to be simply an appendage good only for causing pain, has been found to play an essential role in our immunity.

Salvation recognizes the importance of each part. But how can salvation be achieved? Simple. Jesus has given us two rules, which basically is a summary of all the rules laid down by Israel's forefathers:

1. Love God with all our heart;
2. Love our neighbor as ourselves.

The doctrine of salvation is love. The key to salvation is love. The way to salvation is love.

Loving God means following and accepting His will in my life. It means wanting to please Him always by doing that which pleases Him.

Would suffering please God? Would pain please Him? Could a father bear to see his child in pain?

Yes, He gave his only son to suffer in our stead, but such a sacrifice is needed, and only shows how much He loves us, for we are His creation. He is our God and we are His people. No, he does not want to see us to suffer and so the book of Proverbs declare, "To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice." (Proverbs 21:3, NIV).

The prophet Samuel, rebuking Saul for his disobedience, said, "Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams." (1 Samuel 15:22, NIV).

And now I return to my first question. What is my mission?

My mission is love. To show love, just as Jesus showed us how to love others, even to the point of giving ourselves to others. To be love, just as Jesus was the very embodiment of God's love for the whole of humanity.

And as St. Paul would put it, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in all but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV).

How about you, what is your mission?

___________
1 Carswell, Simon (1 June 2015). Dumbledore and Gandalf to marry in front of gay-hating church. Irishtimes.com. Retrieved from http://www.irishtimes.com/news/world/us/dumbledore-and-gandalf-to-marry-in-front-of-gay-hating-church-1.2233853.
2 Vatican Council II, "Nostra Aetate," 2 par. 3.

Thoughts

I close my eyes
the enchanting waves
of the Pacific
adorning your most empathic eyes
awaken a longing,
an orgasmic desire
to dive deep into the waters.
Inviting.
Comforting.
Warm.

I close my eyes
and the luscious lips
of the Sierra Madre
enlivens a desperate journey
in need of adventure.
Your sincere vibrant smile
melts the gloom; sadness, fear dispelled.
Enticing.
Surrender.
Bare.

I close my eyes
and the scent of the
Cadena de Amor
emanating from your whole being
captures my soul; wrapped, chained,
not wanting to escape.
Lost in the sweet fragrance of love.
Seducing.
Impassioned.
Bliss.

I close my eyes.
The thunderous beat
of a heart angered, pained,
weeping for a people abandoned.
I long to comfort you,
to wrap you in my arms.
Your pain to share, your hand to hold.
Enraging.
Redeeming.
Peace.

I close my eyes
and I see you,
and I long for you.
To stare at your longing eyes,
to kiss your warm lips,
to bathe in your scent,
to lie on your naked breast
listening to the beat of a desire
so pure,
so true.

I close my eyes
but crushed, my soul.
Light-deadened, silenced.
Whisper-blown to nothingness.
Space, darkness engulfed.
Endless emptiness.
Not a trace of existence.
Surrender to complete nothingness.
Grieving.
Nothing.

I close my eyes
if only to see you.

Forever will I close my eyes,
if only to have you.

Tribo. January 24, 2014. Quezon City, Philippines.

NEXT | PREVIOUS